Cock tales

ITEM: All the sex on the beach jokes have been done to death. Not much to add, on threat of deportation. Except to note that the Daily Mail, which has published front pages on the threat of Shariah law coming to Britain, seems to quite like it applied the glitz and golf of Dubai. Oh, and the idea of an ITP employee “bringing the company into disrepute”. Gate, horse, bolted.

ITEM: “Waltham Forest Council announced last week that it is waging war on the effects of excessive fast food in the borough … a borough that was should be synonymous with change, progress and achievement – not grease, fast food and litter.” So said the Council’s 24 March newsletter. Nearly four months on, and local residents are being kept in the dark. How long is the war expected to last? What are the predicted casualty rates? Is there a plan for withdrawal? The public must be told.

“What did you do in the war on the effects of excessive fast food, daddy?” “Had two pieces of Perfect Fried with chips, Alex. Twice in one week.”