Someone give me a slap

Prominent positioning in Google search rankings has re-invented me as a world expert on 'happy slaps' a.k.a. 'happy slapz'. What's behind this dubious position? Once I wrote a book chapter on reality TV, and was later quizzed on the BBC website about the similarities between Big Brother and the brutality photos from Iraq. From here I used the same Google search terms that had already designated me a world expert to check out this new trend, and wrote it up for Spiked. There are, at the time of writing, 542 Google hits for "happy slaps" and a mere six newsgroup entries, with nothing linking from the images section. On the web at least, much more time is spent discussing these images than actually circulating them (which is also a big part of the argument in my Spiked piece.)

My Google rankings also help to explain why the Manchester Evening News called for me for comment last Friday, after two youths were convicted of setting fire to a man at a bus stop and recording it on their mobile phones. They didn't use the quote in the end, which was little more than an expression of sympathy for the poor fellow who was badly burned. But tonight I'm on the MEN's website front page, blaming TV for problems like these. I even pop up in New Zealand to make the same point. Apparently "I think happy slapping is become a short cut in the eyes of the slappers to fame and notoriety among the people who see the images circulated on the web or sent to them via their mobile phones." A short cut in the eyes, eh? Nasty, and that's just the garbled language.

Part of my main argument is that it's not worth getting worked up about this "crime wave". Why? a) it's not occurring on an epidemic scale and b) there are plenty of anti-assault laws on the books already. Do I blame "the media"? No, they just give expression to existing confessional trends in society. When the researcher for BBC Radio's Jeremy Vine show quizzed me about my take on happy slaps, I said it was a non-story. I like to think this persuaded them not to run an interview at all. (Could have used the appearance fee, but that's another story.)

That said, I was pleased to see that I had been promoted to "Head of Media" at the University of East London, and I hope that Paul Gormley, the real field leader in media, won't be too upset.

Roll on Mugging For Kicks: a Tonight Special, which is being broadcast at 10pm on Thursday on ITV1, featuring yours truly.