Spamwatch: A (buffa)low blow

With the passage of time, I find myself invited to do an ever-stranger array of things via my email inbox. If I replied to it all I'd need a warehouse in which to keep the viagra, ink cartridge refills and corporate logos I get offered every single day of my life. Hell, I'd even need a warehouse to keep most of my enormous penis in, if I bought every miracle growth pill I was offered. (Assuming these things actually work, that is, which of course they don't.) Then the warehouses' contents would be repossessed, as I was fleeced by the countless exiled African dignitaries who trust me enough to offer me 10% of their gross national product, if only I would store it in my bank account for them.

None of these spam-based observations are particularly new or original. But I was struck by this morning's invitation to "Cum like a bison with Spermamax", from my good friend "hzhyrtctjrb@hotmail.com". A bison. What knowledge do these spammers have to make this comparison? Or do they refer to the bellowing noise one makes after consuming this wonder drug? I'm almost tempted to reply in order to test the veracity of such claims. Almost.

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My book on the bus? Ring Lardner Jr., The Lardners: My Family Remembered. Ring Lardner would probably take this opportunity to remind us that at least you can wash your hands in a bison...